But I'm blonde

So as a blond haired, blue eyed, North American girl I'm not used to sticking out all that much. I mean I'm not used to standing out- or at least I wasn't until I moved to Japan. Here I am unusual, I do stick out, I'm clearly the odd one out. Fine, I'm okay with that too. It doesn't bother me that I don't fit it.

However, what I'm not used to is being on a bus, slightly crowed, on a seat by myself and having not one or two but many people stand after looking at me and the spare space next to me. At first I thought I was imagining this, or perhaps some people just prefer to stand rather than sitting so close to a stranger. After a month though I'm pretty sure this isn't the case. Upon mentioning it to others, long time residents of Japan, they assure me that I'm not imagining it either.

Think about the last time you were walking at night, alone on a dark street or alley. You see a shadow and think twice about where you're walking. You see a person and maybe step aside, cross to the other side, change your route. So one night I was walking by myself lateish at night, the street were pretty empty and Osaka feels safe to me but none the less one still has to be on guard, take reasonable precautions. I see a shadow and soon after a person and before I have a chance to change my route they look at me like I'm the one to be wary of and change to the other side of the path.

I've lived in a neighbourhood before where I was not part of the ethnic majority. I recognised that I stood out but it didn't really impact my day to day. Except for after the events in London a few summers ago, when everyone was edgy and looking at each other carefully, watching each other's movements, there was a certain amount of just getting on with the day to day.

Other places I've visited I've been different but a bit of a novelty, here though I stick out and people notice and give me a bit of an up and down. After a while, or on less observant days, you don't notice though. You just get on with life and go about what needs to be done. If I'm not at school for a few days, say on the weekend, I might not see many or any other people who look as if they are not Japanese. The strangest thing happens though when I'm out and see another (possible) foreigner- I look at them a bit strangely, stare a bit because they don't fit in. As if I myself, with blue eyes and blond hair am not a complete contrast to every other person around me. I forget though, become desensitised to this.

I can't imagine living someplace for an extended period of time where I had to deal with this on a regular basis. How could you keep on living here, feeling constantly apart from the masses and sticking to your own cultural group, never feeling as if you'd cracked the surface of your adopted culture for years on end? Yet some people do, here and in communities all around the world.

For me though a new place is new experiences, new people. How am I to do that if I stay within my English speaking community, order groceries through mail order so I can have my brands from home (clothes are different though as I'm taller and have bigger feet than average here) and visit places as a tourist, not as a full participant? There's got to be some way in.

So I go to church, not just for that reason but still I intentionally go to somewhere apart from my day to day community. So some weeks (most) I end up at a service that is exclusively in Japanese and I don't understand. There provision has been made for visitors- a service book with the Japanese in romanji on one page and the English on the other so visitors can attempt to follow along. A few people who speak English and are friendly and willing to do so.

Then this weekend there was an English service- finally a chance to just be there. The funny thing was most of the attenders were the friendly English speakers from the main congregation, there were very few first language English speakers. In fact, I was told, some months there are none. Though I've only been once I appreciate the English service, but wonder why it's there if so few attend. Though I believe that the intentions are good is it there as a token handout-something that shows some effort but is really only meant to show consideration, not meet the needs of a specific group. Now tokenism??

This raises a few questions for me: firstly there are people who've lived here for a long time and don't speak much Japanese, they manage to get by on very little. Why? How could you go on not being able to fully participate in your community, only just get by? Secondly, where do they go to church or do they? Is the transient, international population not a group with many believers, or at least practising believers (perhaps they've found somewhere that I haven't). Or do the gather in one, non denominational group, instead of dispersing to different denominations, so as to have a group of English speakers, without trying to engage in the local community(and I don't mean this in a malicious way)? Thirdly when we do things like this once a month service shouldn't we be considering that it is a token, it isn't necessarily meeting the needs of the population it targets. That possibly they too are treating it as a token- an outreach to something familiar but not something that they expect to meet their needs?

These are not the most comfortable things to be considering- outsider, token, me?! I spent most of my life pretty much blending into the crowd. Maybe this isn't the first time, but if that's so then before I didn't recognise it. This is all strange and disconcerting (On a mild level, I am by no means claiming to be oppressed or discriminated against. The opposite, most people have been helpful, friendly and so accommodating giving my poor grasp of the Japanese language). Perhaps it is necessary. I mean when we talk about singling people out, stereotyping, tokenism we can understand, try to imagine what it is like, intellectually recognise that it is wrong and should stop, and try to conduct ourselves in such a ways so as not to perpetuate it but how much do we really "get" until the shoe is on the other foot?

Now before you get up in arms about the mildness of what I'm talking about and the severity of what other people experience day after day, week after week, year after year, I want to say that I know this is small fish, a ripple, not a tsunami. However it is noticeable and it does affect me. So if this is affecting me, what really does it do to people who experience it as a wave, a tsunami?? Imagine the strength that is required to deal At the very least it's good to consider, to feel a bit uncomfortable. Better that then walking around blind to it.